The very thought of you entering my life only to let profanity come in is enough for me to set on fire every promise ever made. Never once stopped to calculate the amount of shame you we’re able to create. Your only worry was how much you were able to gain, how good you would feel or what you would see, another challenge, role playing between scenes.
A doorway leading to guilt morphing into blame with a fiew of my hopes between your hands. You are the insult to everything I had planned, the life I have, the dreams I build and who I am. If I could delete you I would, unfortunately you are the disillusion of my reality, the lesson I must learn for trusting such indignity.
It’s ours, ours to own and celebrate. The sound of your laugh, secrets and confessions and I would listen and listen. Inspirations in the late hours like dust that won’t settle, conversations made of dreams with hints of fantasies and you would listen and listen. The stories we told like coated in gold, the need to discover more everytime we closed that door.
The light of dawn, the rising sun, fascinated and still awake, I was mesmerized . The candle melted, the morning behind the curtains, it made no difference, we were safe, we were hiding.
Without you all of it has no meaning, we should be celebrating. You always believed and gave me reasons to keep going. I could never have planned something this incredible, it’s ours to own, it’s undeniable. But we ran out of time, the bell finally rang, the mocking bird sang and that was the end.
It has no address no country, it has no race or borders. Love is the air I breath and the blood in my veins, always easier to give than to receive and I never complain. This life has blessed me in so many ways I would be a fool to be ungrateful, so many of us are never careful but my life is not a rehearsal. I don’t need to be the lucky type, I call out to the skies everyone of my desires, floating messages, morsecodes in whispers and the answers find their way down to me.
I aim high, my visions are clear, I know what I deserve and by leaving an empty space I’m sure it will always be filled. One has left another comes by, I can sing you a lullaby. A heart will break another survives, I will remember you when I die. Nothing about who I am is written, my soul, my spirit cannot be described… I’m a sparkle, I’m fire and flames, I’m someones forever or someone to blame. When I love I invade, I promise, I pray, I am a sermon, your comfort, a bishop, your saint. When I love, I sacrifice, I forgive, I live, I am a child, a woman, the earth, I am the seed in your brain
There is nothing left to do but to find yourself when you lose yourself, a laborious mission for everyone even the strongest. Doubt and questions begin to dominate, where you’ve been and the ones you’ve met start losing significance but this is only part of the process. You’re ungoing war with finding success and failing multiple times, trusting the wrong people and falling in love with undeserving individuals, that is also part of the process.Your only responsibility is to make sure you still stand when the storms have past, obstacles become right of passages, they will shake your world appart, moments of fear will remind you of your vulnerability and ass holes and bitches will teach you valuable lessons.
The negative is there to give true sens to your life, it will make you take crucial decisions, it will help you grow. Perfection is imperfect and the more flaws you have the more of a life you own… The scars on your face and the ones on your heart are proof that you are still standing. Define yourself through your ambitions, believe first and lead your life with a solid determination, those are the weapons to fight through this life, those are the weapons to find yourself. Love is the reward, love is truth, love is inspiration. Believe first.
Drastic individual, always after unusual events and powerful sensations. My existence alone is not enough, I need more thrill, more substance, more interaction. All or nothing, I have the right amount of patience for the right amount of excitement, I don’t mind hearing the clock ticking, standing dilemmatically between the right and the wrong decision. Do not come near me if you prefer normalcy and your basic human being, do not come near me if you can’t make deals and do not have endurance to play. Feelings are toyed with, hearts are ripping, tears are falling but I still hold on to what can be taken away.
There is a risk in making mistakes and dismissing the repercussions, losing control at the perfect moment like waiting for the perfect storm, dancing under the rain and never expecting to catch a cold, we are invincible even when we are fragile. Don’t settle for convenient, don’t get comfortable, at any time we can either feel alive or lose our breath, make love or make a threat, feel pain and be threatened. That’s why I play, for there is no life if there is no feeling and there is absolutely no point in resisting.
If we could exist some where else, I would. I would go to that utopian land where you and I could laugh out loud for all to hear, make a scene for all to see. Every unnecessary judgement and useless rumor would be irrelevant, only our opinion would matter, the extent of our desire, the unceasing passion we have for one another. Able to use our powers and go even higher, break down these walls and go even further. No one would know the amount of hearts we had to break to go there, no one would know how many times we had to be unfair. I would pay the price to be in peace away from the circumstances that have kept us appart for so long, away from the reasons why I hide from something this strong. Together somewhere else, I would.